I still feel the pain of infertility and hurt for those that are longing to be Mothers. I want to share a little on where I've been, the moments I bring myself back to and where I am now!
I still reflect and look back to where I've been with infertility and loosing a child holding a place in my heart for all the pain. Mother's Day is difficult for those that are struggling to conceive and can bring out many emotions. Mother's Day always brought me down-I would go in my dark place struggling to come out with that painful smile for a day that hurt so bad. I had to put it into perspective to celebrate my Mom and other Mom's who deserve the day. As many Mother's Days passed for me I was lucky to make it through without any tears. Many times, I would find myself hiding in the bathroom giving myself injections or just finding out news of a failed cycle. Plus if I heard a pregnancy announcement on or near Mother's Day it made the day much more difficult reflecting on the struggle. All of this is normal. I would always think I was wicked and selfish but the emotions of infertility and loss are so real.
As years passed, I tried to go in with a different light trying to celebrate me! It's okay to celebrate who we are as women; strong and brave trying to keep our heads high on a day that might feel like a rock falling on us. It helped for that moment but I couldn't depend on it working for the entire day.
- I stayed away from listening to the radio, watching television and going anywhere near flower shops.
- Take time for you as a couple the day before Mother's Day. Declare it a movie day in with wine and a nice brunch blocking out the world for just one day, if you can. Then on Mother's Day you will feel like you had your alone time, vent time or cry time so you can celebrate those Mom's in your life.
- Keep the focus off of you, find ways to make others talk about them so it distracts others from you and asking why aren't you pregnant.
- Cling to your husband and talk about sports or fishing or construction; men will stay away from the personal questions.
Where I've been and what's inside is the feeling of infertility, the pain of loosing a child and reflecting with that child in my heart. The pain and healing always continue. It just gets a little better each year.
Today, I'm a Mom and it feels like I still struggle with my words when I know someone is still traveling the journey to be a Mom. It is a sensitive subject, and I know Mother's Day can be difficult. I know I hated when people said the wrong thing to me or I was told by a complete stranger Happy Mother's Day. I always use to make excuses for those people because I felt deep down inside they had no idea of the pain I was feeling inside, how would they know?
Being a Mom after infertility is something that will always be with me, it is a part of who I am. Mothers Day is not celebrated on one day for me given our struggles it is a celebration everyday that I look at my son and I am forever grateful.
Hold onto HOPE for those miracles through infertility. Honor those Mom's who hold a special place for those children lost in their heart and to those Mom's that are celebrating cherish every moment!
I send strength and hope to those trying to conceive. I send the power of healing to those who lost a child and I send the beauty of life to Mom's so that they can create lasting memories not forgetting what road they traveled to be a Mom. It is a day to love and respect those important women in your life.