Fran Meadows, Author The Truth Behind The Secret "Infertility"
Articles
Choosing a Path to Tackle Infertility
Recently dubbed a modern-day epidemic, it is claimed that one in six couples will struggle to conceive after a year of trying. This threat of looming infertility invites a host of negative emotions to enter into a relationship, leaving couples stressed, anxiety ridden and feeling hopeless. This invariably makes it harder to relax and conceive naturally, and brings about a new strand of financial stress with thousands spent on doctor’s visits and fertility treatments.
Hundreds of possible treatments are out there to help struggling couples realize their dreams of starting a family, with more cropping up every year. Between medical treatments, natural medicine options, or mixtures of both – it’s hard for a couple to decide which path to opt for.
Western Medicine vs Eastern MethodsWestern medicine usually evokes images of labs, shiny tools, bright lights and sterilized surroundings versus the more calm, relaxing, serene Eastern environment like an aromatherapy lounge.
Although the successes of alternative methods like Traditional Chinese Medicine are largely anecdotal and not scientifically proven, participants do report a decrease in stress and anxiety. Couples are usually required to change their diet, take Chinese herbs, and partake in regular acupuncture and massage sessions to get their bodies into peak physical condition thus allowing conception to take place naturally.
While alternative methods can be incredibly beneficial in reducing stress, a major factor in failure to conceive, if a woman is experiencing physical barriers such as blocked fallopian tubes then western medicine is the only option.
The Newest Western Advances in Tackling Infertility
1. In Vitro Maturation (IVM)
A cure for those experiencing low ovulation and stunted ovary function, immature eggs are collected then hormonally stimulated and matured in a lab. The eggs are then injected with sperm. This is also an option for those considering the single parent route, as sperm can be made available from sperm banks if there is no personal donor. IVM is considered an alternative to egg freezing for women undergoing chemotherapy or for those suffering from polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Still considered an experimental procedure, there have only been about 400 births worldwide with IVM but as with all new techniques, rates may improve with time.
2. Single-Embryo Transfer (SET)
For many couples, the costs of fertility treatments are a major cost to bear. There is also the risk of conceiving multiple pregnancies through IVF, which means a couple has to be able to afford the costs of two or three children rather than just one. SET is a procedure that transfers just a single embryo during in vitro fertilization (IVF) rather than two or more. SET was proven in two studies to be a successful and cost-effective way to produce a single baby. The procedure costs an average of 5% less than typical IVF, which requires multiple rounds of treatment.
3. Natural and Mini-Stim IVF
This is an IVF technique based on a woman’s natural cycle, using fewer or no medications than traditional IVF. This method offers an option for women who are uncomfortable taking high-dose hormones or for cancer survivors who simply cannot take that route. This is a less aggressive treatment that saves thousands of dollars on medicines, allegedly without compromising success rates. However, opponents to the treatment argue that it is a backwards approach because over the years, IVF has evolved to use higher drug doses and produce more eggs.
Taking the Natural Route1. Procreation Vacations
Reproduction vacations offer couples a welcome relief from everyday stress by traveling with intention to get pregnant the old-fashioned way! Some hotels now offer “conception-moon” packages, with spas on hand to offer alternative medicine options that boost fertility like reiki and aromatherapy. De-stressing can enhance fertility, so if vacationing might be worth a try!
2. Hypnotherapy
The use of hypnosis has proven to help people overcome smoking, eating disorders and a number of other psychological afflictions, but can it help a woman get pregnant? The use of hypnosis is said to heal mental, emotional and even physical ailments that may interfere with a woman’s ability to conceive. Several sessions with a trained hypnotherapist will probe the subconscious background to undercover without there is a negative imprint holding back the conception process. This also helps to remove any stressful conditions that might be blocking the body ability to be open and positive about getting pregnant.
3. Homeopathy
Homeopathy looks to treat the whole person, rather than a specific complaint. This 200-year-old system claims that the same thing that causes a symptom could cure that same symptom. Participants in homeopathy can expect to share all sorts of information with their practitioner like details of lifestyle, personal history, personality, and preferences. Then, depending upon responses, they will be given a single homeopathic remedy that is determined to work best with them. Common remedies for helping a body struggling with infertility include Sepia, typically prescribes for those feeling worn out, irritable, and experiencing cold hands and feet, or Natrum Muriaticum, for those who feel introverted, love exercising, crave salty foods and doesn’t express anger. These remedies are nontoxic and natural, and they also work well alongside western medicine.
A Mixed ApproachThere also exists to the process of mixing both western and eastern approaches, but it is advised that your fertility doctor is informed and aware that you are taking complementary medicines.
Whether it is IVF, sperm donors from a sperm banks, or just vacationing the stress away – there are treatments out there to help tackle infertility struggles! It is simply about being educated, informed and choosing the best possible path to achieve what you desire.
Thank you Lilly Shepperd for this article. Shepherd is an occasional blogger and full time intern. She writes on behalf of California Cryobank, sperm banks across the US.
Hundreds of possible treatments are out there to help struggling couples realize their dreams of starting a family, with more cropping up every year. Between medical treatments, natural medicine options, or mixtures of both – it’s hard for a couple to decide which path to opt for.
Western Medicine vs Eastern MethodsWestern medicine usually evokes images of labs, shiny tools, bright lights and sterilized surroundings versus the more calm, relaxing, serene Eastern environment like an aromatherapy lounge.
Although the successes of alternative methods like Traditional Chinese Medicine are largely anecdotal and not scientifically proven, participants do report a decrease in stress and anxiety. Couples are usually required to change their diet, take Chinese herbs, and partake in regular acupuncture and massage sessions to get their bodies into peak physical condition thus allowing conception to take place naturally.
While alternative methods can be incredibly beneficial in reducing stress, a major factor in failure to conceive, if a woman is experiencing physical barriers such as blocked fallopian tubes then western medicine is the only option.
The Newest Western Advances in Tackling Infertility
1. In Vitro Maturation (IVM)
A cure for those experiencing low ovulation and stunted ovary function, immature eggs are collected then hormonally stimulated and matured in a lab. The eggs are then injected with sperm. This is also an option for those considering the single parent route, as sperm can be made available from sperm banks if there is no personal donor. IVM is considered an alternative to egg freezing for women undergoing chemotherapy or for those suffering from polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). Still considered an experimental procedure, there have only been about 400 births worldwide with IVM but as with all new techniques, rates may improve with time.
2. Single-Embryo Transfer (SET)
For many couples, the costs of fertility treatments are a major cost to bear. There is also the risk of conceiving multiple pregnancies through IVF, which means a couple has to be able to afford the costs of two or three children rather than just one. SET is a procedure that transfers just a single embryo during in vitro fertilization (IVF) rather than two or more. SET was proven in two studies to be a successful and cost-effective way to produce a single baby. The procedure costs an average of 5% less than typical IVF, which requires multiple rounds of treatment.
3. Natural and Mini-Stim IVF
This is an IVF technique based on a woman’s natural cycle, using fewer or no medications than traditional IVF. This method offers an option for women who are uncomfortable taking high-dose hormones or for cancer survivors who simply cannot take that route. This is a less aggressive treatment that saves thousands of dollars on medicines, allegedly without compromising success rates. However, opponents to the treatment argue that it is a backwards approach because over the years, IVF has evolved to use higher drug doses and produce more eggs.
Taking the Natural Route1. Procreation Vacations
Reproduction vacations offer couples a welcome relief from everyday stress by traveling with intention to get pregnant the old-fashioned way! Some hotels now offer “conception-moon” packages, with spas on hand to offer alternative medicine options that boost fertility like reiki and aromatherapy. De-stressing can enhance fertility, so if vacationing might be worth a try!
2. Hypnotherapy
The use of hypnosis has proven to help people overcome smoking, eating disorders and a number of other psychological afflictions, but can it help a woman get pregnant? The use of hypnosis is said to heal mental, emotional and even physical ailments that may interfere with a woman’s ability to conceive. Several sessions with a trained hypnotherapist will probe the subconscious background to undercover without there is a negative imprint holding back the conception process. This also helps to remove any stressful conditions that might be blocking the body ability to be open and positive about getting pregnant.
3. Homeopathy
Homeopathy looks to treat the whole person, rather than a specific complaint. This 200-year-old system claims that the same thing that causes a symptom could cure that same symptom. Participants in homeopathy can expect to share all sorts of information with their practitioner like details of lifestyle, personal history, personality, and preferences. Then, depending upon responses, they will be given a single homeopathic remedy that is determined to work best with them. Common remedies for helping a body struggling with infertility include Sepia, typically prescribes for those feeling worn out, irritable, and experiencing cold hands and feet, or Natrum Muriaticum, for those who feel introverted, love exercising, crave salty foods and doesn’t express anger. These remedies are nontoxic and natural, and they also work well alongside western medicine.
A Mixed ApproachThere also exists to the process of mixing both western and eastern approaches, but it is advised that your fertility doctor is informed and aware that you are taking complementary medicines.
Whether it is IVF, sperm donors from a sperm banks, or just vacationing the stress away – there are treatments out there to help tackle infertility struggles! It is simply about being educated, informed and choosing the best possible path to achieve what you desire.
Thank you Lilly Shepperd for this article. Shepherd is an occasional blogger and full time intern. She writes on behalf of California Cryobank, sperm banks across the US.
The Best Rewards After Infertility - Building Friendships & Families
Rewards are not always the one's that come to mind like, money, tokens, prizes or trophies. Many of the best rewards are those of love, friendship and knowing that you can make a difference just by being there for someone.
Over the past few weeks of anticipation of many friends that have or are about to give birth has made me think about how rewarding it is after my infertility journey to be part of theirs. I am truly blessed to have my son after a long road of uncertainty with infertility. Now with my book and being involved in many support groups and raising awareness for infertility it is a great feeling to be able to contribute to the community.
I check in, follow up - whether it's an email, a phone call, a text or if I get the opportunity to see a friend for a quick meet. This is not only life long friends, this includes those that I have grown a relationship with online through Facebook, Twitter Chats, emails from my website, through my book or through a friend of a friend. It's a great feeling to be there for all of them through the good, bad and the ugly. You have to include it all because with infertility you never quite know what will hit you. It hurts you to hear the bad and the ugly but it only gives you the strength to continue to offer support for them to carry on.
The best thing that you can hear from anyone going through treatments is, "I'm pregnant". You feel like its you all over again, the moment you found out and got that phone call! You take the statement and run with it, literally shouting with pure joy for others, tears may fall and then the anxiety of the next nine months kicks in. It's terrible that the thought of what could go wrong comes into play with such a happy moment, unfortunately it's a sad reality with infertility. With disappointment after disappointment, when the happiness comes it all too surreal - you have to pinch yourself to know that this is really happening.
You go through every possible moment with them even if its via email - morning sickness, exhaustion, cravings, weird feelings, emotions, and just moving along to the end. It's an exhilarating feeling just to be there and here from them during their big moments. To get to the day of them giving birth is priceless, a moment you cannot even imagine. Waiting for that picture mail or Facebook post - you're on the edge of your seat. Yes, for them they have made it to the end and have their miracle but for me it's something more than that - it's a feeling of how this ugly disease could have caused so much pain for so many and have such a beautiful ending. This is not the ending just the beginning for so many beautiful family moments to come. For those that have a hard time breaking the silence to family and friends, follow your gut and reach out to those that are online. With personal subjects of infertility or pregnancy loss, there are groups out there for you. Allow yourself to share you stories and help each other through it together. You're sure to meet new friends that will be there for continued support.
I feel that through my book and sharing my story, I have gained so much from so many strong men and women. It's not just the support that I give, it's the life long relationship knowing that they now have their miracle or miracles, hoping that they will continue to lend a hand and make this support system a domino effect. The strength of these amazing people I am talking about have really touched my life as I hope to have touched theirs.
Father’s Day For All No Exclusions
FATHER'S DAY BOUNCE AROUND #7
With Father’s Day approaching, many men out there will be happy to hold their children, get homemade cards enjoying the day as a family. We seem to forget about those men that are not father’s but should be. Men who experience the pain of going through infertility to try to build their family should be honored too. “Dad’s in waiting” are part of those men who will one day be a father. Society mainly focuses on the women and how they feel when holiday’s approach if you are going through infertility; we fail to involve the men assuming they are big, tough guys that have no feelings. It is especially hard for a man to deal with a male factor infertility diagnosis. Be sensitive if you are experiencing this with your partner. Help him understand that you are in this journey together and it is not his fault. He needs to be reassured about his manhood.
Men express their emotions in different ways but deep down inside it tears them up inside. On a day like Father’s Day it will cause them more pain than you know. Their pain comes from just looking at the one that they love, knowing that they cannot make it all ok! Try not to compare the feelings of Mother’s Day verses Father’s Day, try to understand and support his feelings. Don’t get me wrong yes, going through infertility there have many times that I wanted to just take my husband and shake him until he gets how I felt but never did he ever express fully how he felt. Maybe it was because he couldn’t express himself or he thought that if I knew how he felt I would look at him differently. As a couple work together on communicating your feelings with each other this will help with the pressures of infertility. This is not just for Father’s Day but for every day that you continue this difficult journey.
Take this time to celebrate him, make him feel confident and give him that hope you try to keep in your mind. Men need to feel special too, just like we want flowers or candy or a simple, “you look pretty”, let them have it on this day!
This Father’s Day try to focus being a couple, yes we know you want to talk about how you wish that you could celebrate Father’s Day as a Father, but try not to focus too much on that this day. Be positive and choose your words wisely. Talk to him in a positive manner making him believe that your time will come, he will be a Dad and you will be a Mom. Unfortunately, you will not be able to dodge the bullet. There will be kids and families everywhere. Children running around and you will hear the word Daddy throughout the day- but try to block that out and love each other even if it means going to a baseball game or a man movie or hanging in the man cave playing pool or mowing the lawn. Make the day all about him putting your feelings aside one day.
Men don’t prepare themselves as well as women so don’t freak out on him if you hear him say something out of line or stupid at a Father’s Day gathering. Things will come up and the comments will fly. He might need to say something stupid to get someone off their back. Remember, men are not going to run to the bathroom to cry like we would. They might get sucked into a conversation with a brother or sister that are complaining about how bad their kids are and say, “So glad I don’t have to deal with kids, it’s just us”. He really doesn’t mean that it’s just something that he said to detour the attention on him- that was a trick to see if he would react. He reacts in a manly manner. So don’t look at him crazy, take it with a grain of salt and talk about it later alone. He is uncomfortable too when he is asked questions and the comments affect them differently. They go on the defense but act so cool that you really think he meant it. Us women could never do that we would go crazy or cry.
Most men need to feed off of others, grow their confidence from competition. So let them gain their confidence levels on their own pace with your help. Give them the hope and strength that you as women have built up from talking to others or attending online support groups. It is hard for a man to think that they have to tell someone what is going on in their mind. Maybe plan a gathering with a few couples go to a bar restaurant and have some drinks/cocktails to release the stress of the approaching holiday. If you have those dreaded family gatherings to attend and you will be around nieces and nephews, enjoy the kids, love them and know that someday you will be a Daddy too. Don’t punish the kids they need their Uncle. Kids in their own way look up to you as if you are already a Daddy! An Uncle is the first step in the journey to Fatherhood! Every man that puts his mind to something will succeed, even if it’s something that you feel like it is expected of you. The day will be over before you know and maybe next year it will be your year – Happy Father’s Day!
The picture above is my husband and my son on his first Father’s Day. The day never meant so much that he actually smiled for a picture and didn’t tell me, “Come on another picture”. It was a proud moment for him. I never thought a man can glow. After six years of infertility, a pregnancy loss and many painful years of uncertainty here is my husband shining with his rainbow! Take this picture as a sense of hope for all you “Dad’s in waiting” it does happen and believe that your day will come.
With Father’s Day approaching, many men out there will be happy to hold their children, get homemade cards enjoying the day as a family. We seem to forget about those men that are not father’s but should be. Men who experience the pain of going through infertility to try to build their family should be honored too. “Dad’s in waiting” are part of those men who will one day be a father. Society mainly focuses on the women and how they feel when holiday’s approach if you are going through infertility; we fail to involve the men assuming they are big, tough guys that have no feelings. It is especially hard for a man to deal with a male factor infertility diagnosis. Be sensitive if you are experiencing this with your partner. Help him understand that you are in this journey together and it is not his fault. He needs to be reassured about his manhood.
Men express their emotions in different ways but deep down inside it tears them up inside. On a day like Father’s Day it will cause them more pain than you know. Their pain comes from just looking at the one that they love, knowing that they cannot make it all ok! Try not to compare the feelings of Mother’s Day verses Father’s Day, try to understand and support his feelings. Don’t get me wrong yes, going through infertility there have many times that I wanted to just take my husband and shake him until he gets how I felt but never did he ever express fully how he felt. Maybe it was because he couldn’t express himself or he thought that if I knew how he felt I would look at him differently. As a couple work together on communicating your feelings with each other this will help with the pressures of infertility. This is not just for Father’s Day but for every day that you continue this difficult journey.
Take this time to celebrate him, make him feel confident and give him that hope you try to keep in your mind. Men need to feel special too, just like we want flowers or candy or a simple, “you look pretty”, let them have it on this day!
This Father’s Day try to focus being a couple, yes we know you want to talk about how you wish that you could celebrate Father’s Day as a Father, but try not to focus too much on that this day. Be positive and choose your words wisely. Talk to him in a positive manner making him believe that your time will come, he will be a Dad and you will be a Mom. Unfortunately, you will not be able to dodge the bullet. There will be kids and families everywhere. Children running around and you will hear the word Daddy throughout the day- but try to block that out and love each other even if it means going to a baseball game or a man movie or hanging in the man cave playing pool or mowing the lawn. Make the day all about him putting your feelings aside one day.
Men don’t prepare themselves as well as women so don’t freak out on him if you hear him say something out of line or stupid at a Father’s Day gathering. Things will come up and the comments will fly. He might need to say something stupid to get someone off their back. Remember, men are not going to run to the bathroom to cry like we would. They might get sucked into a conversation with a brother or sister that are complaining about how bad their kids are and say, “So glad I don’t have to deal with kids, it’s just us”. He really doesn’t mean that it’s just something that he said to detour the attention on him- that was a trick to see if he would react. He reacts in a manly manner. So don’t look at him crazy, take it with a grain of salt and talk about it later alone. He is uncomfortable too when he is asked questions and the comments affect them differently. They go on the defense but act so cool that you really think he meant it. Us women could never do that we would go crazy or cry.
Most men need to feed off of others, grow their confidence from competition. So let them gain their confidence levels on their own pace with your help. Give them the hope and strength that you as women have built up from talking to others or attending online support groups. It is hard for a man to think that they have to tell someone what is going on in their mind. Maybe plan a gathering with a few couples go to a bar restaurant and have some drinks/cocktails to release the stress of the approaching holiday. If you have those dreaded family gatherings to attend and you will be around nieces and nephews, enjoy the kids, love them and know that someday you will be a Daddy too. Don’t punish the kids they need their Uncle. Kids in their own way look up to you as if you are already a Daddy! An Uncle is the first step in the journey to Fatherhood! Every man that puts his mind to something will succeed, even if it’s something that you feel like it is expected of you. The day will be over before you know and maybe next year it will be your year – Happy Father’s Day!
The picture above is my husband and my son on his first Father’s Day. The day never meant so much that he actually smiled for a picture and didn’t tell me, “Come on another picture”. It was a proud moment for him. I never thought a man can glow. After six years of infertility, a pregnancy loss and many painful years of uncertainty here is my husband shining with his rainbow! Take this picture as a sense of hope for all you “Dad’s in waiting” it does happen and believe that your day will come.
Do The Questions Ever Stop, Even After Infertility?
"Are you going to start a family?" "When are you going to have another kid"? "How many kids do you have"? So many questions that come from strangers, people you meet in the supermarket, at the park or at church - when does the questioning stop? What gives people the right to think that its their business to get deep and personal. Yes, the questions might seem harmless, an icebreaker or something but guess it never does end.
This sensitive button hits me hard going back to when people would ask, "When are you going to have kids"? or "Why aren't your pregnant?" and so on. Yes, seems like its okay to ask but my opinion, NO, IT"S NOT! Go back to being a teenager and you would be asked, "Do you have a boyfriend"? or "Did you have sex yet"? Those awkward years have passed and I still feel like the questions never stop. Next phase of life and you hear, "Have you met someone (The One) you want to spend your life with"?
Now more time has passed and yes you have found the one you want to marry and spend your life with. "When are you getting engaged"? Really, yes really, there is a question for everything that surrounds life and its big expectations. You'r now engaged, "Did you set a date for your wedding"? As soon as you walk down that aisle and you are enjoying your moment as a new bride & groom, yes it already comes out of someone's mouth - "So when are you going to start popping out those kids, on your honeymoon maybe"? Yes, the long interrogation asked in many different ways and for several different years as soon as that wedding band is placed on your finger. Not many newlyweds think to themselves that it will be like a jail sentence counting first the months, then the years, wondering to yourself, "Why are we not pregnant"? See how weird that is, the questions even come out of your mouth but you also answer yourself or come up with many excuses.
Then the questions come out differently as the years of being married and you have no kids yet. "Are you having a problem getting pregnant"? or "Have you even been trying"? At this point you are extremely sensitive to the questioning and have a hard time trying not to jump over a table and choke that person but you become numb to it or have armed yourself with quick answers. If the questioning wasn't bad enough I'm sure many of you have got the question then someone said right after it, "We weren't even trying and became pregnant". Put a knife in my heart now.
Well, that is what brings me to writing this article. I was at the park today with my son, yes my son who was born almost nine years after we walked down the aisle, several years after struggling with infertility and after the loss of a child. Nobody knows all that by just meeting me and talking to me at a park but you think they can see right through you. I met a Mom in the park, not knowing anything about her either. She was nice the kids were playing nicely together. They were the same age too. It was nice to get out and meet other Moms but then the questions came, "So you only have the one"? "Are you going to have anymore"? This was all in one breath. I couldn't help but laugh and turn away, wanting to mumble something under my breath but controlled it and said, "Right now we are happy and if it happens then that will be great". Does that have I had problems getting pregnant all over it answer? She turned to me and then said, "Well, he seems very active, so I guess right now one is just fine". Now she's judging my kid! Ugh, it's so hard to not refer back to the pain that you endured to bring your child into the world. At this point I was not about to go into my story, I didn't feel the connection. We continued to watch our children play nicely, enjoy the sun and the conversations after all the questioning came to an end and went our separate ways.
It still bothers me about the way people feel the need to question you when they don't even know you. They might not be judging you but once you've been through any fertility treatments, success or not, you have that sense of sensitivity to questions. I can only suggest that you take all the things that are thrown at you, comments and all; find your inner strength to move forward and rise above it all!
This sensitive button hits me hard going back to when people would ask, "When are you going to have kids"? or "Why aren't your pregnant?" and so on. Yes, seems like its okay to ask but my opinion, NO, IT"S NOT! Go back to being a teenager and you would be asked, "Do you have a boyfriend"? or "Did you have sex yet"? Those awkward years have passed and I still feel like the questions never stop. Next phase of life and you hear, "Have you met someone (The One) you want to spend your life with"?
Now more time has passed and yes you have found the one you want to marry and spend your life with. "When are you getting engaged"? Really, yes really, there is a question for everything that surrounds life and its big expectations. You'r now engaged, "Did you set a date for your wedding"? As soon as you walk down that aisle and you are enjoying your moment as a new bride & groom, yes it already comes out of someone's mouth - "So when are you going to start popping out those kids, on your honeymoon maybe"? Yes, the long interrogation asked in many different ways and for several different years as soon as that wedding band is placed on your finger. Not many newlyweds think to themselves that it will be like a jail sentence counting first the months, then the years, wondering to yourself, "Why are we not pregnant"? See how weird that is, the questions even come out of your mouth but you also answer yourself or come up with many excuses.
Then the questions come out differently as the years of being married and you have no kids yet. "Are you having a problem getting pregnant"? or "Have you even been trying"? At this point you are extremely sensitive to the questioning and have a hard time trying not to jump over a table and choke that person but you become numb to it or have armed yourself with quick answers. If the questioning wasn't bad enough I'm sure many of you have got the question then someone said right after it, "We weren't even trying and became pregnant". Put a knife in my heart now.
Well, that is what brings me to writing this article. I was at the park today with my son, yes my son who was born almost nine years after we walked down the aisle, several years after struggling with infertility and after the loss of a child. Nobody knows all that by just meeting me and talking to me at a park but you think they can see right through you. I met a Mom in the park, not knowing anything about her either. She was nice the kids were playing nicely together. They were the same age too. It was nice to get out and meet other Moms but then the questions came, "So you only have the one"? "Are you going to have anymore"? This was all in one breath. I couldn't help but laugh and turn away, wanting to mumble something under my breath but controlled it and said, "Right now we are happy and if it happens then that will be great". Does that have I had problems getting pregnant all over it answer? She turned to me and then said, "Well, he seems very active, so I guess right now one is just fine". Now she's judging my kid! Ugh, it's so hard to not refer back to the pain that you endured to bring your child into the world. At this point I was not about to go into my story, I didn't feel the connection. We continued to watch our children play nicely, enjoy the sun and the conversations after all the questioning came to an end and went our separate ways.
It still bothers me about the way people feel the need to question you when they don't even know you. They might not be judging you but once you've been through any fertility treatments, success or not, you have that sense of sensitivity to questions. I can only suggest that you take all the things that are thrown at you, comments and all; find your inner strength to move forward and rise above it all!
MOTHER'S DAY & INFERTILITY NOT A GOOD MIX - THERE IS HOPE
So Mother's Day has come and gone it will always bring back the pain of what I felt when going through infertility. It is so vivid in my mind, like it was yesterday, too many yesterdays as the years passed by. I would hope not to be either in between a IVF cycle, to go shoot up in the bathroom or not to be right after a failed cycle or a PMS mess with AF on the way. Hard not to have one of those things going on but it was all I would think about. I feel the pain of the fear of Mother's Day approaching. Then came driving by a church or restaurant with all the families and kids looking so cute waiting outside with their Mommies or driving by a flower stand with the sign Mother's Day flowers here. Why can't I be a Mom, I would think to myself quite often. It would stab me right in the heart. I knew it was a day to honor your Mom but I'm not a kid anymore I want to be honored too with my little one by my side.
A day that is dedicated to Mom's around the world, yes, they got it right but what about those that truly would give anything at that moment to be a Mom, we matter too. Any woman going through infertility with Mother's Day coming round I give you a little advice, might seem crazy but hey its worth a shot. Prepare....yes prepare as if its a speech you have to recite in front of thousands of people, be prepared for those questions that will come straight for you. Be prepared with an answer even if its just an answer to shut someone up. If you are caught off guard and you have one of the three things going on with your cycle I mentioned above, your done...the tears will fall and you might need to say more than you want to. Another thing that will throw the family off is if you are the one with the kids in the playroom playing, yes I know it will kill you even though you love kids and want one of your own, get into it with the kids because if you show that playful side you will make it seem like all is okay. You might get the occasional, "Look how good she is with the kids, wonder when they will start a family?" Also, if you surround yourself with the kids you most likely won't be drilled. It will bother you all day and hurt but you can cry your eyes out later in the car on the way home. If the kids ask why you don't have kids you can blow them off and if they ask why you're crying if a tear falls from your eyes, you have allergies or something in your eye. Now, if you have infants around with that baby smell, I say do what you feel is right - it is much harder with an infant around. You want to hold them near and examine them wondering when you will be blessed but go with it as if its a test for you and your inner strength. If you drink have a glass of wine to take the edge off or a visit the desert table first before eating dinner. This day is a big test for you and one day it will be a big celebration for you to shout from the rooftops Happy Mother's Day. For now, just try to get through and yes, you can imagine it being your turn next year, be positive with thoughts of holding that little one near. It will help keep the edge off your day. Don't let your emotions control you at least you can try. Any uncomfortable situation step out to the bathroom, that use to be my favorite place, actually it still is for privacy or step outside for air, deep breathe and say to yourself I can do this, quick blow to y
Yes, you might think it is easy coming from me I have a child now, but its not. I still feel the pain of infertility and that will never leave me. I think about all of you going through infertility now and my heart breaks but I think women are the strongest people and you will fight to get through it. Just as if you are fighting to get through another round of medication, or another IVF cycle or waiting for that call that you're pregnant. Life is not as planned out as we all think it is. It is filled with ups and downs, good and bad but whatever it might be have your husband there by your side to support you through this day of happiness for most but fear and sadness for others. One thing I kept reminding myself was that if I can get through Mother's Day- I can get through any holiday. Be strong and don't let anyone make you feel less of a women for not having a child! Your day will come and it will be worth the wait, struggle, pain and tears. I know its not what you like to hear but it will keep you going. Acknowledge all that you've been through and know that there is hope for a baby in your future to celebrate your special Mother's Day one day!
Baby Dust to all and my special thoughts and prayers are with you all on Mother's Day. You are all special too!
So Mother's Day has come and gone it will always bring back the pain of what I felt when going through infertility. It is so vivid in my mind, like it was yesterday, too many yesterdays as the years passed by. I would hope not to be either in between a IVF cycle, to go shoot up in the bathroom or not to be right after a failed cycle or a PMS mess with AF on the way. Hard not to have one of those things going on but it was all I would think about. I feel the pain of the fear of Mother's Day approaching. Then came driving by a church or restaurant with all the families and kids looking so cute waiting outside with their Mommies or driving by a flower stand with the sign Mother's Day flowers here. Why can't I be a Mom, I would think to myself quite often. It would stab me right in the heart. I knew it was a day to honor your Mom but I'm not a kid anymore I want to be honored too with my little one by my side.
A day that is dedicated to Mom's around the world, yes, they got it right but what about those that truly would give anything at that moment to be a Mom, we matter too. Any woman going through infertility with Mother's Day coming round I give you a little advice, might seem crazy but hey its worth a shot. Prepare....yes prepare as if its a speech you have to recite in front of thousands of people, be prepared for those questions that will come straight for you. Be prepared with an answer even if its just an answer to shut someone up. If you are caught off guard and you have one of the three things going on with your cycle I mentioned above, your done...the tears will fall and you might need to say more than you want to. Another thing that will throw the family off is if you are the one with the kids in the playroom playing, yes I know it will kill you even though you love kids and want one of your own, get into it with the kids because if you show that playful side you will make it seem like all is okay. You might get the occasional, "Look how good she is with the kids, wonder when they will start a family?" Also, if you surround yourself with the kids you most likely won't be drilled. It will bother you all day and hurt but you can cry your eyes out later in the car on the way home. If the kids ask why you don't have kids you can blow them off and if they ask why you're crying if a tear falls from your eyes, you have allergies or something in your eye. Now, if you have infants around with that baby smell, I say do what you feel is right - it is much harder with an infant around. You want to hold them near and examine them wondering when you will be blessed but go with it as if its a test for you and your inner strength. If you drink have a glass of wine to take the edge off or a visit the desert table first before eating dinner. This day is a big test for you and one day it will be a big celebration for you to shout from the rooftops Happy Mother's Day. For now, just try to get through and yes, you can imagine it being your turn next year, be positive with thoughts of holding that little one near. It will help keep the edge off your day. Don't let your emotions control you at least you can try. Any uncomfortable situation step out to the bathroom, that use to be my favorite place, actually it still is for privacy or step outside for air, deep breathe and say to yourself I can do this, quick blow to y
Yes, you might think it is easy coming from me I have a child now, but its not. I still feel the pain of infertility and that will never leave me. I think about all of you going through infertility now and my heart breaks but I think women are the strongest people and you will fight to get through it. Just as if you are fighting to get through another round of medication, or another IVF cycle or waiting for that call that you're pregnant. Life is not as planned out as we all think it is. It is filled with ups and downs, good and bad but whatever it might be have your husband there by your side to support you through this day of happiness for most but fear and sadness for others. One thing I kept reminding myself was that if I can get through Mother's Day- I can get through any holiday. Be strong and don't let anyone make you feel less of a women for not having a child! Your day will come and it will be worth the wait, struggle, pain and tears. I know its not what you like to hear but it will keep you going. Acknowledge all that you've been through and know that there is hope for a baby in your future to celebrate your special Mother's Day one day!
Baby Dust to all and my special thoughts and prayers are with you all on Mother's Day. You are all special too!
