Fran Meadows, Author The Truth Behind The Secret "Infertility"
Adoption Stories
An Adoption Story Sure To Give You HOPE
This is an adoption story sure to give you HOPE. After reading the answers to the questions I had sent, I was in tears. No matter how you become a parent does not matter, it's the road you travel to get there is what matters. Your journey is your unique experiences that nobody can take away from you. The love and memories that you build for a child is priceless. In honor of National Adoption Month I am sharing an adoption story with you.
What made you go down the adoption route? My husband and I always wanted to be parents. We had been married for thirteen years, were happy together and we were ready for the joys and responsibilities of parenthood. We reached an acceptance that we may never have become parents. After numerous failed IUI, IVF and frozen embryo tranfers over seven years we felt adoption was our best route to becoming parents.
Did you go through an adoption agency or hire an adoption attorney? Tell us about your experiences and time frame? Open adoption/closed adoption? Our adoption is an open adoption. The birth mother requested pictures from us two times per year. We did not discuss meeting in the future. We had begun the process through an agency but wound up in a situation one month later for a private adoption through an adoption attorney. We are very blessed and lucky our time frame was short. We had expected a multi-year wait through an agency but our private adoption moved much quicker.
What were concerns that you had or still have about the adoption process? Our main concern is for our daughter. We want her to always feel secure that she is the love and the light of our lives and the greatest blessing / gift we have ever received. We do not want her to ever feel that she was abandoned by her birth mother. Her birth mother exercised maturity beyond belief saying she wanted what was best for our daughter. We want her to know how excited our friends and family were to hear of her arrival. I have saved every card, ribbon, bow, gift bag, etc. that she has received. My husband thinks I’m crazy but I want her to see these things should she have doubts in the future. We don’t have pictures of her in the hospital as most natural parents do but I do have a box for her with everything we were able to get from the hospital.
What were you thoughts/emotions when you got that phone call that you were going to be a parent? How did you feel when the baby was home? First thought were shock and disbelief that this was happening. We had set ourselves up for two things: a multi-year wait and the possibility adoption would not work out. The time waiting to meet the birth mother & our daughter was so nerve wracking but things went smoothly. Almost forty eight hours after receiving the call of her birth, our daughter was in the car and we were driving home from the hospital. I’m so overjoyed I’m crying now as I type this and I still continue to cry tears of joy when I think of the day we drove her home. The call to my parents who were waiting at our house to say we were in the car with her brought the reality home that parenthood was truly happening for us. The first night at home was wonderful and scary at the same time. Because of the short notice, we had nothing in the house but thankfully my next door neighbor brought over most of what we needed in the short term. From years of babysitting as teen and adult, I knew how to take care of a baby, but it’s very scary when it’s your own child. You don’t get to go home as you did from babysitting!! I stayed up the whole night with her sleeping in the bassinet next to our bed or in my arms if she cried. We were both afraid she was going to break!! I have heard many new parents feel that way. The best advice I got was that she wouldn’t know if we made a mistake and we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves. As time has gone on, we both are much more comfortable as parents.
How are you adjusting as a parent and are you open about that you are an adoptive parent? We have completely adjusted to parenthood. After thirteen years of marriage, we had done everything we wanted to so putting her first is not a sacrifice for us. We love spending time with our daughter and are over the moon being with her. The biggest adjustment for us, after lack of sleep, is that we used to do many of our errands together. The first months of her life we did not take her out so we split errands. It was strange to do things apart from each other. Now that she is older we are back to doing things as a family. We are open that we are adoptive parents in most situations. Sometimes I find it not appropriate to talk about so we don’t. Mostly when strangers come up to us and ask who she looks like. It’s not a strangers business that she is adopted. Our families and friends know the truth and at the appropriate age, so will our daughter.
If there are other couples that have gone down the road or fertility treatments or not what advice can you give someone who is thinking about adopting? Adoption for us was a positive experience but there were times when it was overwhelming. The best advice I can give is take it one step at a time, one minute at a time, even one second at a time. The home study paperwork overwhelmed me. I cried and thought we would never get through it. But you do. I printed out the thirty five page document and broke it down page by page with sticky notes. Once I did that it was not so overwhelming. Our social worker is very nice and constantly reminds us that her job is to help us adopt. Don’t give up no matter how upset/overwhelmed/confused you may be. Ask for help if you need it. Whether it’s from your social worker, adoption agency, adoption attorney, or obgyn/infertility specialist – they are all there to help you.
Tell us a little about your feelings of being a Mom? I’m thrilled to finally be a mom. I had many doubts over many years that I would never be a mom. My daughter is mine in every sense of the word. Adoption is how she arrived at our house, but I love her and consider her my own. I’m the one who rocks her, feeds her, changes her and will be there for her over her life. With help from my husband!!! I look forward to sharing with her the experiences I had growing up in a loving family.
Would you say that your adoption was a good experience? For us, adoption was a positive experience and we cannot imagine life without her. We are lucky that we both were able to take leave from our jobs when she came home. We are lucky that both our companies offer reimbursement of adoption expenses. We will be reimbursed for some of the money we have paid out. We realize not everyone is in this situation but advise everyone to check with their employer to see if reimbursement is offered. Even if we did not receive reimbursement, we would have continued the process. It is a costly process but worth every penny we spent. We did research the IRS adoption credit but fear we will not benefit from it since our adoption will not be final until 2013 and the credit is set to expire December 31, 2012.
Call your Representatives during November 27-29thCongressional Call Week 2012 - Two Tax Credits. One Purpose. Families.Some other helpful kinks:
http://adoptiontaxcredit.org/faqs/
http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f8839.pdf
http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/i8839.pdf
What made you go down the adoption route? My husband and I always wanted to be parents. We had been married for thirteen years, were happy together and we were ready for the joys and responsibilities of parenthood. We reached an acceptance that we may never have become parents. After numerous failed IUI, IVF and frozen embryo tranfers over seven years we felt adoption was our best route to becoming parents.
Did you go through an adoption agency or hire an adoption attorney? Tell us about your experiences and time frame? Open adoption/closed adoption? Our adoption is an open adoption. The birth mother requested pictures from us two times per year. We did not discuss meeting in the future. We had begun the process through an agency but wound up in a situation one month later for a private adoption through an adoption attorney. We are very blessed and lucky our time frame was short. We had expected a multi-year wait through an agency but our private adoption moved much quicker.
What were concerns that you had or still have about the adoption process? Our main concern is for our daughter. We want her to always feel secure that she is the love and the light of our lives and the greatest blessing / gift we have ever received. We do not want her to ever feel that she was abandoned by her birth mother. Her birth mother exercised maturity beyond belief saying she wanted what was best for our daughter. We want her to know how excited our friends and family were to hear of her arrival. I have saved every card, ribbon, bow, gift bag, etc. that she has received. My husband thinks I’m crazy but I want her to see these things should she have doubts in the future. We don’t have pictures of her in the hospital as most natural parents do but I do have a box for her with everything we were able to get from the hospital.
What were you thoughts/emotions when you got that phone call that you were going to be a parent? How did you feel when the baby was home? First thought were shock and disbelief that this was happening. We had set ourselves up for two things: a multi-year wait and the possibility adoption would not work out. The time waiting to meet the birth mother & our daughter was so nerve wracking but things went smoothly. Almost forty eight hours after receiving the call of her birth, our daughter was in the car and we were driving home from the hospital. I’m so overjoyed I’m crying now as I type this and I still continue to cry tears of joy when I think of the day we drove her home. The call to my parents who were waiting at our house to say we were in the car with her brought the reality home that parenthood was truly happening for us. The first night at home was wonderful and scary at the same time. Because of the short notice, we had nothing in the house but thankfully my next door neighbor brought over most of what we needed in the short term. From years of babysitting as teen and adult, I knew how to take care of a baby, but it’s very scary when it’s your own child. You don’t get to go home as you did from babysitting!! I stayed up the whole night with her sleeping in the bassinet next to our bed or in my arms if she cried. We were both afraid she was going to break!! I have heard many new parents feel that way. The best advice I got was that she wouldn’t know if we made a mistake and we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves. As time has gone on, we both are much more comfortable as parents.
How are you adjusting as a parent and are you open about that you are an adoptive parent? We have completely adjusted to parenthood. After thirteen years of marriage, we had done everything we wanted to so putting her first is not a sacrifice for us. We love spending time with our daughter and are over the moon being with her. The biggest adjustment for us, after lack of sleep, is that we used to do many of our errands together. The first months of her life we did not take her out so we split errands. It was strange to do things apart from each other. Now that she is older we are back to doing things as a family. We are open that we are adoptive parents in most situations. Sometimes I find it not appropriate to talk about so we don’t. Mostly when strangers come up to us and ask who she looks like. It’s not a strangers business that she is adopted. Our families and friends know the truth and at the appropriate age, so will our daughter.
If there are other couples that have gone down the road or fertility treatments or not what advice can you give someone who is thinking about adopting? Adoption for us was a positive experience but there were times when it was overwhelming. The best advice I can give is take it one step at a time, one minute at a time, even one second at a time. The home study paperwork overwhelmed me. I cried and thought we would never get through it. But you do. I printed out the thirty five page document and broke it down page by page with sticky notes. Once I did that it was not so overwhelming. Our social worker is very nice and constantly reminds us that her job is to help us adopt. Don’t give up no matter how upset/overwhelmed/confused you may be. Ask for help if you need it. Whether it’s from your social worker, adoption agency, adoption attorney, or obgyn/infertility specialist – they are all there to help you.
Tell us a little about your feelings of being a Mom? I’m thrilled to finally be a mom. I had many doubts over many years that I would never be a mom. My daughter is mine in every sense of the word. Adoption is how she arrived at our house, but I love her and consider her my own. I’m the one who rocks her, feeds her, changes her and will be there for her over her life. With help from my husband!!! I look forward to sharing with her the experiences I had growing up in a loving family.
Would you say that your adoption was a good experience? For us, adoption was a positive experience and we cannot imagine life without her. We are lucky that we both were able to take leave from our jobs when she came home. We are lucky that both our companies offer reimbursement of adoption expenses. We will be reimbursed for some of the money we have paid out. We realize not everyone is in this situation but advise everyone to check with their employer to see if reimbursement is offered. Even if we did not receive reimbursement, we would have continued the process. It is a costly process but worth every penny we spent. We did research the IRS adoption credit but fear we will not benefit from it since our adoption will not be final until 2013 and the credit is set to expire December 31, 2012.
Call your Representatives during November 27-29thCongressional Call Week 2012 - Two Tax Credits. One Purpose. Families.Some other helpful kinks:
http://adoptiontaxcredit.org/faqs/
http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f8839.pdf
http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/i8839.pdf
THE ADOPTION TAX CREDIT – HERE TODAY, GONE TOMORROW?
Adoption expenses can run into the many thousands of dollars, putting a strain on family finances. The Federal Adoption Tax Credit can provide real relief to your tax bill. The maximum 2012 adoption tax credit is $12,650 for qualified adoption expenses.
It is non-refundable and is set to expire in 2013. If Congress does nothing, the adoption tax credit will max at $6,000 and pertain only to those families adopting special needs children.
Who does the current tax credit help and what are qualified adoption expenses? Qualified expenses are reasonable and necessary adoption fees. They include attorney’s fees, agency fees, traveling expenses, including meals and lodging while away from home, and other expenses directly related to the legal adoption of an eligible child. Expenses may be accrued in a domestic, international or foster care adoption. You may even claim the expenses if the adoption is disrupted or not completed, however you must wait a year to file for the credit. Surrogacy and stepparent adoptions do not qualify for the federal tax credit. If your adjusted gross income is more than $185,210, you will not get the full amount of the adoption credit.
If your employer provides adoption benefits you may also get a significant tax break, but you may not double-dip. You may be able to receive up to $12,650 in employer provided adoption assistance without paying income taxes on that benefit. You may not, however, receive the federal tax credit for adoption expenses if you claimed an income exclusion from your company’s paid benefits. Adjusted gross income exceptions apply here as well.
Currently, the adoption tax credit is nonrefundable for 2012. This means the credit can reduce the amount of tax you owe to zero, but not below. A refundable credit can reduce your tax liability to zero and the IRS will send you a refund for any additional remaining credit.
To claim the adoption tax credit you may not file your tax return electronically. You will need to attach IRS Form 8839 and the required adoption-related documentation to your federal tax return. Supporting documents include, but are not limited to, receipts for qualified adoption expenses, entry visas for foreign adoptions, final decrees and certificates or orders of adoption, home studies and determinations of special needs status. You will also need either a social security number or a temporary tax identification number for the baby. It is important to keep all of your records and expense receipts and to meet with your accountant or qualified tax professional early in the process.
A bill has been introduced in Congress to make the adoption tax credit permanent and refundable. It would also reinstate the maximum credit to the pre-2012 level of $13,360. President Obama’s 2013 budget proposed to make the adoption tax credit
permanent and retroactively refundable for 2012 and 2013. Write to your representatives urging them to support the adoption tax
credit and stay tuned! When you are speaking with your representative also mention your support for the Family Act Bill.
Lisa Peck Goldberg, Esq., Adoption Attorney at Building New York Families
Lisa Peck Goldberg is a licensed New York State Adoption Attorney. Her law firm, Building New York Families is 100% dedicated to the practice of Adoption Law. She represents adoptive parents and birth parents in the greater area of New York City, including all five boroughs, Westchester County, Rockland County, Nassau and Suffolk Counties. Ms. Goldberg finds it a privelege and a
pleasure to provide legal assistance in both foster adoptions and private, domestic adoptions. She has extensive experience representing clients in second parent adoptions, step-parent adoptions, and re-adoptions of international adoptions which were finalized outside the United States. Her clients include birth parents, married and unmarried couples, same-sex couples, and single men and women.
Ms. Goldberg received an undergraduate degree from George Washington University and a law degree from Emory University School of Law. She spent many years as an Assistant District Attorney with the Brooklyn District Attorney’s Office and a Trial Counsel for the New York Stock Exchange. She also clerked for a Federal District Judge in the Eastern District of New York and worked as a civil trial litigator for Stroock & Stroock & Lavan. After starting her own family and volunteering in the local school district, she re-directed her legal training and practice of law to dedicate herself to helping private and foster families and children with adoption goals. Ms. Goldberg also serve as a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA) in Westchester County, advocating for abused and neglected children.
Lisa Peck Goldberg, Esq., Adoption Attorney at http://www.buildingnyfamilies.com
Law Offices of Lisa Peck Goldberg, LLP
Adoption Law
(914) 420-6163
lpgoldberg2@verizon.net
This post was also posted on my blog From Roller Coaster To Mommy Coaster
Our Journey Through Adoption
The photographer snapped picture after gleaming picture on that hot sunny day in July, 2009. It was summer in Baltimore, though we were sweltering in our best we didn't care, it was our wedding day and we were enjoying every second of it. Behind those wide smiles that day was the worry that came with the diagnosis that preceded it by several years. I had Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and we knew from the time I was sixteen that it would be difficult for me to conceive. Though we had talked about it for years before the wedding, it didn't mean it didn't hurt anytime one of our well-meaning guests mentioned the K word- kids. They would ask with hope and excitement in their eyes about our future plans.
Fast forward three years, and we're still dealing with the pain of infertility. After two years of countless shots, doctor’s appointments, basal body temperature readings and more negative tests with heartache that we could never have imagined, we're still childless. Barren. Empty-handed.
In January of this year, we decided it was time to move on. With the new year came new hope, and we set our sights on adoption. We took time to mourn the child we'll never have together- we took time to let the wound of never having biological children heal.
Once we healed, we moved on, not without knowing what we've been through, just moving on to another chapter. We are so excited to open this new chapter of our lives, and for the first time in three years it feels like our dream of having a family will become a reality. We write every week to our future baby so that they'll know how much they are loved and cared for, and how much they were never, ever unwanted- even for an instant. For the first time in a long time, I don't cry walking down the baby aisle of my favorite stores.
Adoption is a hard, unknown road, definitely not to be traveled along for the faint of heart. But so far, it has been beautiful. We've come together, closer as a family, and the process has taught us patience and understanding in a way no other family building option could. We are going to love our future child just as much as the biological child that eluded us - if not more, because this child will be supremely real, made of flesh and bone and a soul that was meant to cross paths with ours. This adoption journey has just begun and we are looking forward to being a family that we’ve always dreamed of.
For more information & to show your support please visit their website, like their Facebook Page & Follow them on Twitter:
Websites:
www.rickandbeckywanttoadopt.com
www.scaredtobehappyhappytobescared.wordpress.com
Twitter:@RicknBeckyAdopt
www.facebook.com/rickandbeckywanttoadopt
Instagram: RickandBeckyWantToAdopt
Fast forward three years, and we're still dealing with the pain of infertility. After two years of countless shots, doctor’s appointments, basal body temperature readings and more negative tests with heartache that we could never have imagined, we're still childless. Barren. Empty-handed.
In January of this year, we decided it was time to move on. With the new year came new hope, and we set our sights on adoption. We took time to mourn the child we'll never have together- we took time to let the wound of never having biological children heal.
Once we healed, we moved on, not without knowing what we've been through, just moving on to another chapter. We are so excited to open this new chapter of our lives, and for the first time in three years it feels like our dream of having a family will become a reality. We write every week to our future baby so that they'll know how much they are loved and cared for, and how much they were never, ever unwanted- even for an instant. For the first time in a long time, I don't cry walking down the baby aisle of my favorite stores.
Adoption is a hard, unknown road, definitely not to be traveled along for the faint of heart. But so far, it has been beautiful. We've come together, closer as a family, and the process has taught us patience and understanding in a way no other family building option could. We are going to love our future child just as much as the biological child that eluded us - if not more, because this child will be supremely real, made of flesh and bone and a soul that was meant to cross paths with ours. This adoption journey has just begun and we are looking forward to being a family that we’ve always dreamed of.
For more information & to show your support please visit their website, like their Facebook Page & Follow them on Twitter:
Websites:
www.rickandbeckywanttoadopt.com
www.scaredtobehappyhappytobescared.wordpress.com
Twitter:@RicknBeckyAdopt
www.facebook.com/rickandbeckywanttoadopt
Instagram: RickandBeckyWantToAdopt
Thank you to Rick and Becky for sharing your story.